Palin Flakes

As if McCain’s recent faltering and senior moments weren’t embarrassing enough, his spiteful choice for VP of the inexperienced, provincial, narrow-minded, and self-espoused “hockey mom” named Sara Palin, seals his fate. Few know what could have led McCain to such a nonsensical and dangerous choice for VP. Perhaps it was a desire to go down in a blazing death-at-the-Alamo scenario. McCain and the current remnants of the GOP give new meaning to “cutting off one’s nose to spite one’s face”. Or perhaps he wanted to punish the GOP for rejecting his initial choice of Joe Lieberman.

As unimaginable as it may seem, Ms. Palin embodies every worse attribute one could imagine for a VP candidate of a world power. To wit, she:

• emits a constant stream of trite, childish colloquialisms
• repeatedly winks at the camera like a 7 year-old trying to look cute
• thinks just being near Russia gives her foreign policy experience
• thinks adjacency of Canada gives yet more foreign policy experience
• thinks Russia overflies Alaska giving her security experience even though the Russian have not overflown Alaska for obvious reasons
• thinks if her husband raped your daughter and made her pregnant, your daughter must carry the baby.
• feels if a girl is raped, she would have to pay for a rape kit
• talks like a cross between a dim-witted beauty pageant contestant, a small-minded mother of an uncontrolled brood, and a squeaky-voiced Sunday school teacher.
• when interviewed before being nominated, in all seriousness, said she didn’t know what a VP does then later pretended she was trying to make a joke
• after a month of coaching she was asked again about her foreign policy experience and incredibly repeated how her proximity to Russia gives her significant experience without any contact.
• paraded the boy who knocked up her daughter on the national stage to offset his mistake even though his personal Internet page portrayed himself as a profane, fuck-the-world, Joe Six Pack Jr.
• thinks she represents America because she can relate to, as she said, “Joe Six Pack”, apparently without realizing that vernacular is an insulting caricature of beer-bellied couch potatoes who burp, fart, and scratch their asses while commiserating how they’d love to have a go at Ms. Palin.
• actually believes being the mayor of a rural Alaskan town of 6,000 and a few months as governor of a state with only 680k people makes her the best VP choice. By that criteria, there are 100’s of better qualified people.
• parroted rehearsed lines in her one and only VP debate and when a question was posed on nuclear war options, looked like a deer in headlights and reverted to the dim-witted pageant contestant rambling nonsense as she searched for canned lines to piece together.

It strains credulity that Ms. Palin could hold any public office with these well publicized and known aspects. She is to Hillary Clinton what a flea is to a lion. She has become a laughing stock both here and especially abroad. If she and McCain are somehow, by a sick freak of fate, allowed to ascend to Washington’s throne, the diminishment of American dominance on the world stage will be complete.

We urge all Americans to use their vote in November to assure with full certainty that the travesty of McCain-Palin are kept as far from Washington as possible. As Republicans, we cannot allow them to further tarnish what remains of our image. As Democrats, we cannot allow such a pair to crush what little momentum we have mustered. As Americans, we cannot allow the government to be hijacked any further. It has already become the government of business, by business, and for business.